FROM THE PASTOR’S HEART
OP / ED BY DR. ROBERT KENNEDY
Have you ever met anybody who likes to give advice, even when it is unsolicited? Yes, some people love to tell others what to do.
I cannot say that such individuals want to be in control, but it might be one of those habits they have developed and cannot keep themselves from doing it. Many advise because they are trying to help, especially when asked directly. Here it might be pointed out that there’s a difference between answering someone’s question directly and answering while piling on unsolicited recommendations.
The apostle Paul advised us to “Admonish one another” (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16). Some persons have misunderstood the word “admonish” to mean criticizing or scolding someone instead of encouraging someone. I believe the apostle is saying that we are being called to encourage someone, give some friendly advice, warning, reproof, or kind caution to someone when necessary. The intent is to seek to build up someone instead of tearing down someone.
It is unfortunate that sometimes in our hyper-zealousness and our penchant for perfectionism, we jump to conclusions and rush to admonish. Here are some suggestions, some credited to Don McMinn, Ph.D., andKimberly Spring of theiPlace.org, to help anyone who wants to give admonition.
- Think of whether the person needs to be admonished.
- Ask whether I am the right person to give the admonition.
- Test what is the best time for the admonishment.
- Make sure the person knows that you love them.
- Don’t be heavy-handed in giving advice.
- Be gentle and subtle about admonishing in a tense conversation.
- Pray for the person and yourself before you advise.
- Approach the person privately.
- Our actions should be adequately motivated.
- The end result of admonishing should be that someone is better equipped.
- Admonish people gently because some are generally sensitive.
- Try to condense the admonition into one or two statements. Don’t exaggerate and discuss the entire issue so that it doesn’t have to be revisited later.
- When we admonish someone, we should be willing to advise them what to do, how to do it, and, if possible, journey with them through the process.
- After admonishing someone, reassure them of your love and commitment to a healthy relationship.
- Be careful not to administer shame or condemnation. Address the action without denigrating the person.
- Realize that initially admonishments may hurt the person, but that in the end they will benefit and the relationship will be strengthened. (https://preachitteachit.org/articles/detail/admonishing-with-love-and-preparation/)
- Remember that admonishing is a delicate matter and that it is easy to injure feelings. Be kind, especially with children.
- Always remember that in your best effort that there are possibilities of making mistakes, so be humble.
- Do not lake molehills into mountains. If you see your effort at admonishing is about to fail, back off, wait until there is a more convenient time.
- Never forget that the effectiveness of all admonishing is respect for one another.
In effect, if you seek to admonish others, it should be in the spirit of building up and not tearing down and destroying one another.
