FROM THE PASTOR’S HEART
OP / ED BY DR. ROBERT KENNEDY
After phrasing my title “The curse of an inheritance,” I was fascinated when I found the book, Curse of Inheritance: How to Protect Your Family from Being Broke, Bitter and Blaming You by Cindy Arledge.
As it reads in the Amazon advertising, her cover states, “Many American families are unprepared for the greatest threat they have ever faced: the Cur$e of Inheritance. The Cur$e of Inheritance is an ugly monster of jealousy, fear, and selfishness that crushes families, eats money, and destroys lives. The Cur$e of Inheritance is born in an environment of loss and grief by unprepared heirs who feel entitled to unearned wealth and tragically forget to see each other as human beings. When Cindy Arledge’s mom and dad passed away within eight months of each other, she was helpless to save the broken relationships between siblings and their families created by her parents’ estate plan. Years later, after becoming a grandmother affectionately known as ‘Elmo,’ Cindy realized it was time to transform her tragedy into a solution to protect her growing family’s future and help other families do the same. In this book, you will discover the real problem behind wealth transfers and the most important change you can make to protect your family. Cindy shares the secret planning tool used by ultra-high-net families to protect their families and provides the Legacy Family Planning basics you can immediately implement for your family’s benefit.”
I trust that I am not harming Cindy by promoting her book. But I think it is essential to pick up on one of the greatest tragedies that bring a curse on many families today. Many children are handed an inheritance, and because of selfishness, mismanagement, and sibling rivalry, the blessings that might be obtained from the inheritance have become curses. I speak not just of the rich here but of many in lesser classes.
The above comment brings me to the story that Jesus told in Luke 15:11-32 concerning the young man who went to his father and asked for his portion of his inheritance before the time. As most commentators have said, what he did was so egregious that it is as if he wanted to have his father dead to get it. Once his father acceded to his request and gave it to him, the young man went out and prodigalized it. The Biblical comment is, “And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.”
The point is that the young man did like another Biblical character, Esau, the brother of Jacob, who did not appreciate his birthright blessing (inheritance) and sold it for a bowl of lentil soup – as the KJV translates it, “a mess of pottage” (Genesis 25:29-32). After selling the birthright, he regretted it. And rightly, he should because, being the firstborn, he should have appreciated the tradition of the birthright inheritance. But with his false sense of values and reckless attitude, the inheritance at that moment meant little to him. His hunger and thirst became the priority. He allowed his emotion to override his thinking and gave away what was of the highest value for the future of his life.
The stories above reflect so many people who do not know how to put their priorities right and manage their inheritance. Yes, they get the inheritance that should bring them blessings, but they waste it away. They turn their inheritance into a curse. That offered to bring them joy brings strife and brokenness to their personal lives and families.
And please, do not think we are only to blame the ones who receive the inheritance because many parents in passing on inheritance have yet to do what is necessary to make the inheritance effective. The Biblical rules are clear.
- Leave an inheritance for your children. “A good man leaves an inheritance to his grandchildren.” (Proverbs 13:22)
- There is no exact formula for what that inheritance should be or how much the inheritance should be. But it states that an inheritance should be left.
- One should not be forced to give the inheritance by birth order. It is to be given according to the ability to administer it. The Bible notes throughout that the oldest does not always get the inheritance. We see biblical inheritance played out when Israel blessed his 12 sons in Genesis 49. The oldest son, Reuben, should have received a double inheritance, but he was unfaithful and didn’t get the share. Sons 2 & 3, Simeon and Levi, had fierce anger, so they were disqualified. It was the fourth son, Judah, who got the double portion. As a practical matter, the larger the estate and the larger the responsibility, the more likely there may be a need for unequal inheritance.
- Another principle is that a clear plan should be left for how the inheritance will be distributed and used. One might not give details, but offering the principles of use are important.
- It’s a parent’s responsibility to provide orders.Some parents are tempted to say, “Well, what do I care? I’ll be gone. My kids can figure it out.” But, notice that when King David was nearing his last days, his kingdom was not in order. His successor to the throne was not clearly in place, and without that clarity, his son Adonijah seized the throne. His wife Bathsheba was forced to go to King David and make clear that he had promised Solomon to be king. She stated boldly, “And now, my lord the king, the eyes of all Israel are on you, to tell them who shall sit on the throne of my lord the king after him” (1 Kings 1:20). As a parent, it was David’s role to designate who would come after him. Similarly, it’s our responsibility to provide a clear plan for our children’s inheritance based on these biblical principles.
- Make sure your children know what your values are. As is said, one of the most potent forms of biblical inheritance is the family story. Can your children and grandchildren tell how you met, your struggles, your growth – the stories that make your family unique? In the First Testament of the Bible, as part of the annual Passover celebration, God prescribed that the celebration should always start with the youngest child asking: “What do you mean by this service?” (Exodus 12:25-27) This question was the impetus to start the storytelling, the remembrance of what God had done for them.
- Emphasize that that which is received as an inheritance should become a blessing and not a curse. The point is that God will hold everyone accountable for how what is received is used.
A question that everyone needs to ask is whether we are making our inheritance a blessing or a curse.
