FROM THE PASTOR’S HEART
OP / ED By Dr. Robert Kennedy
I do not say that I have seen the worse ones, but I have seen some awful ones during my 51 years as a minister of religion and family life educator. Unfortunately, I have seen them everywhere after their divorce – miserable ex-spouses, messed up children, estranged in-laws, and resentment of every sort. The entire family systems seem like they are under a curse.
But of course, I do not wish to say that every divorce causes a curse. If Elizabeth Marquardt speaks for most children who come from situations of divorce, then we need to listen to what she says in her book Between Two Worlds about the shared experience of many children whose parents divorced:
“Our parents’ divorce is linked to our higher rates of depression, suicidal attempts and thoughts, health problems, childhood sexual abuse, school dropout, failure to attend college, arrests, addiction, teen pregnancy, and more. … Some of us struggle with the scars left from our parents’ divorce: we have a harder time finishing school, getting and keeping jobs, maintaining relationships, and having lasting marriages.” (2005, p. 189)
Whether it’s the curses prolonged by divorce or other forms of brokenness, we must understand that forgiveness is one of the most effective methods for breaking the curses.
Forgiveness means “the pardon of an offense or crime.” It is seeking release from the wrongs we have done and releasing the ones who have wronged us. It is connected to confession and repentance, but it is more than acknowledging a wrong and seeing to change; it is seeking to free ourselves and others from the wrong. Forgiveness is a kindness we seek for ourselves and that we seek to share with others. The Bible tells us numerous times that we must forgive others. Jesus’ model prayer in Matthew 6:7-15 alludes to this fact of forgiveness.
The Greek word for forgiveness is aphiemi, which means “to set free; to let go; to release; to discharge; to liberate; to send away, dismiss, allow to depart; to issue, send forth.” That means when a crime is committed against us, we must learn how to let go or send it away. We should not cling to it and keep it in our minds and hearts. Instead, we must act as if it never happened.
I do not want to pretend that forgiveness is easy, for forgiveness can be very difficult when people do you dirty things, or you do unkind things to them. But God made it clear in the Bible; also, history and research have found that forgiveness is the most necessary action to establish or reestablish any relationship. For this reason, we can argue that without the help of God, no forgiveness is possible. This is why many say that forgiveness comes only from a merciful and loving heart. Forgiveness is not self-based. Forgiveness is letting go of pain to have peace with the person that offends you.
While most of us might never have to deal with the pain of divorce, incest, or being sexually violated, or will never face a devastating offense such as the murder of a loved one, we all are confronted with the need to be forgiven and to forgive. So, all of us must learn to forgive those who hurt us so we can remove the curses of unforgiveness.
Let me list 12 benefits or blessings of forgiveness for deeper reflection.
- It allows for the removal of guilt
- Reconciliation takes place
- The journey of healing begins
- The lessening of past pain and moves us to a positive future
- The removal of hindrances to relationships
- It creates space for the blessings of God in one’s life
- It decreases resentment. Like water on a fire, forgiveness extinguishes bitterness and resentment by eliminating the fuel
- It promotes love for God and others
- It makes our joy and peace possible
- It repels pride – keeps us humble
- The reduction of anxiety, depression, and major psychiatric disorders, as well as physical health challenges and lower mortality rates
- It brings us into a closer relationship with God.
In light of the theme of encouraging us to get rid of the curses from our lives, let me remind all that if we hold on to bitterness, Satan will have access to us. Many people have demonic-rooted issues because of their lack of forgiveness. So let me urge you to break away from the bondage and curses of unforgiveness. Let us examine ourselves so we might release any resentment or hurt we are harboring in our hearts.
