FROM THE PASTOR’S HEART OP-ED BY DR. ROBERT KENNEDY
I have not forgotten the little gem I learned in early elementary school, which says, “Always say please when you ask for anything and thank you when you get it” (Emphasis mine). Our parents always insisted that we should say please when we asked for anything and say thanks when we received it. What has happened to us as we become adults is quite strange. It seems like we forget these simple courtesies sometimes.
Do I always practice them? To be honest, sometimes, I have not. At times my wife reminds me that in my rush or frustration, I take a request for granted, thus forgetting these simple courtesies of saying “please” and “thank you,” when I should. In fact, when I wash dishes, and especially when I wash the pots, and my wife says, “thank you,” I sometimes ask, “why did you say that? Then assert, “It is my duty.” It is not that I am uncouth. I am this transparent to make the point that often enough, there is a tendency for most human beings to neglect common courtesies that can make life so pleasant and enhance the love experience.
Let me express the above another way, that thankfulness compliments love. Thankfulness is an act of love. Thankfulness is a way to show love to someone else. Especially should we make sure to say thanks to those with whom we have the most intimate relationship. Don’t take these individuals for granted. Let them know that you are grateful that they are present in your life and for the things that they do for you.
Someone asks, “How should I say thank you to someone I love? You do not have to always use words, but here are a few suggestions:
1. “You are special.”
2. “You are the best.”
3. “You knocked me off my feet.”
4. “I really appreciate what you have done.”
5. “This dinner was delectable.”
6. “Darling, you are so thoughtful.”
7. “You touched me deeply.”
8. “In you, God really gave me a gift.”
9. “I truly appreciate your kindness.”
10. “You really create a melody in my heart.”
In all of the research that I have read on marriage counseling practices, one of the things that has been much emphasized is that when marital couples learn to say thanks to their partners, they get their partners to be more cheerful, pleasant, and responsive. Yes, they even get them to do things about the home that they would usually resist.
I cannot recall now the title of Gary Chapman’s book in which I read the following story. But he tells of a woman with whom he was counseling. She wanted her husband to paint a particular room in the house. For a long time, she kept “telling” him to do it, and he did not. At times she criticized her husband, and that led him to become very distant and unresponsive. She became so frustrated that she went to Dr. Chapman, on the prospect of a broken marriage.
After telling her story to Dr. Chapman, he advised her to go home and try fixing some delicious meals for her husband and then commend (saying thanks to) him for any little thing that he might do about the house. She accepted that she would take the challenge for a few weeks. In two weeks, she came back with a smile to Dr. Chapman, telling him that her husband seemed like a different man. She said that her husband even painted the room without her having to ask again.
The case above parallels stories we have heard in our Legacy of Love seminars. And often enough, we have seen couples transformed just adding the simple courtesies of “please” and “thanks” to their loved ones. Some people say, “Sometimes it’s hard to say thanks when you feel hurt.” And it is true. But saying harsh words in place of “please” and “thank you” will not help to build any relationship.
Forgetting these simple courtesies will only break down relationships. In saying this, we are not just encouraging politeness, but the genuine responses of appreciation from the heart. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34). In which case, we need to practice saying the kind words that are in our hearts and see how much more healthy our relationships will become. Scripture gives these admonitions:
“But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.” Colossians 3:3:14, 15 NKJV.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NKJV.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations. – Psalm 100:3-5 NKJV.
The salient point is that when we lack love, we stop paying attention to the little courtesies on which we build our relationships. I have heard it said, “Thankful hearts and kind looks are more valuable than wealth and luxury, and contentment with simple things will make home happy if love is there.”
Yes, let us love and not forget the little gem we learned in elementary, “Always say please when you ask for anything and thank you when you get it.”
