THE OBSERVATION BOOTH
OP / ED & PHOTO CREDITS ANDREA DIALECT
You become the bully on the playground when your inner child competes or toys with the life or lives of your own children… Copyrighted Andrea Dialect
JUST LIKE SCOOBY SAID
(First Off If You Don’t Know Who Scooby Doo Is Google That)
I DUNNO… Yep. Today I play the snitch again. It had been my intentions to go in another direction when this subject matter barged in. I cannot express how many times when I’m out there and I run across people with their children or grandchildren. God children or whomever. You get the pic.
And most, because they cannot articulate a response, the grown-up which have ’em in tow start filling in the blanks and making excuses for them. Teenagers alike. The adult wants to fill that space for the child perhaps because of the deafening silence or because they are somewhat embarrassed or most likely revisiting their own insecurities right there on the spot.
So right then and there I always tell those grown folk to shut their mouths. Hush. Because they are robbing them not only of the opportunity to see themselves where they are, but the opportunity to grow.
Today, most outsiders or onlookers barely say anything to our youth. So when they do, let those others pour into their lives. Let them reveal to them, perhaps at that moment, what you may not have noticed, so that you too may grab a little somethin’-somethin’ once again which had gone unnoticed that you now can begin pouring into them.
Besides their inability to give eye contact, which is evident in most, or then there’s those who peer at ya without a blink in total disregard and disrespect. Which is a whole ‘nother problem.
But, not for us, but for you and them. And big ones at that. You’re not helping them by trying to spare them shame or buffer it. You’re setting them up.
It so reminds me of my father when we – being me and my sisters who were older than he – tried to help my brother with his homework or to simply learn. Anytime, which was every time, that he cried or played into pity – dad’s or his own – my father would tell us to leave him alone. He spared him from the work, the pain, the challenge for the moment.
So that meant that he passed on the gift of illiteracy for his lifetime. Just as he had been gifted such. His inner child would contest and so would he every time those reels of the past played in his head. Past traumas or whatever was revisited. When the inner child is powering that on and off and on switch trust me – it ain’t a good look. So beware of that little you.
My advice when stumbling into those known or unknown youngins or grown folk: I tell it as I had told my own kids when they were growing up – and still do when dropping those occasional reminders. I tell it as I tell my clay (mentees), and as so my clients. So if you don’t know where to start, start here…IF YOU DON’T KNOW, DANG ON IT, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW.
(Usually I use the other D word for emphasis, honestly.)
Logically, it is best that we deal with shame, pain, shock, embarrassment, or challenges right now – than put it on layaway, where it gains compounding interest. Just thought ya should know!
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DID YOU KNOW….
Shame is a powerful and complex emotion that arises when a person feels they are deeply flawed, unworthy, or have violated social or personal standards in a way that affects their sense of self. Unlike guilt, which is about what you did, shame is about who you believe you are.
Here’s a breakdown:
🔍 Shame says:
“There’s something wrong with me.” vs. Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”
💥 Key Traits of Shame: Internalized: It attacks the self, not just the behavior.
- Private but Paralyzing: Often hidden, but can influence every action and thought.
- Rooted in Fear: Fear of rejection, unlovability, exposure, and abandonment.
- Carried from Others: Shame can be passed down—family, culture, society, trauma, or abuse.
🧠 Where Shame Shows Up:
- Childhood experiences (“You’re bad,” “You talk too much,” “Be quiet”)
- Body image, sexuality, failure, parenting, poverty, addiction
- Being different or marginalized
- Mistakes or things done to you that you still blame yourself for
🌱 What Shame Does:
- Silences you
- Makes you feel isolated
- Sabotages growth
- Fosters self-hatred
- Keeps you stuck in patterns
- Stops you from asking for help
What Can Heal Shame?
- Self-compassion
- Honest storytelling in safe spaces
- Connection with others who see you and still accept you
- Naming it aloud—“This is shame I’m feeling.”
- Creating art, writing, movement—a way to give shame a new shape
✨ Powerful Thought:
“Shame cannot survive being spoken. It needs secrecy, silence, and judgment to thrive.” — Brené Brown
If you’re doing work with communities, youth, women, or even yourself around healing or self-worth, understanding shame is a critical key to unlocking deeper truths and transformation.
Let me know if you want this explained in a raw, poetic way—or built into a workshop or creative project.
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