THE OBSERVATION BOOTH
OP / ED BY ANDREA DIALECT
COVER PHOTO BY DOMINANT DANSBY
One of the things that my mother often told us, which I say to my own children to this day, is, “You have what you say, so watch what you say.” Another is, “If you like it, I love it!” – Andrea Dialect
MAMA SAID (Part 2)
My mother said what happens in this house, stays in this house – Jasmine
Jasmine: When my mom says something like your Mom’s “If you like it, I love it,” she’s essentially saying, “I have given you all the information I can, and if that’s what you choose to do, go ahead and then deal with the consequences.”
There was something else that my Mom used to say, but I can’t exactly recall how the phrase went, but essentially it goes, “Everybody that tells you ‘yes’ is not your friend, and everybody who tells you ‘no’ is not the enemy.”
Jasmine Greene
“No” can sometimes save your life. I remember one time there was a party at my high school, and my Mother told me no, I couldn’t go, and I was devastated. You know, as a young girl, when you can’t make it to the school party, you’re devastated. It was the end of the world; my life was over.
That night my friends had gotten into a huge fight at that party, and nine times out of ten, I would have been right with them. They had this huge brawl, and people had to be picked up by their parents at the police station. Whew, glad I missed that one, because if I had to tell my mom to pick me up at the police station at fifteen, I would have been like, “Officer, can I stay here? Because I’m not calling her.”
I am more afraid of my Mom than the police. It’s like, “Y’all can’t beat me, she can.” All that “you can’t whip your child legally.” She always told me that she brought me into the world, and she could take me out. I believed her, lol. That type of accountability was one of the best gifts that my Mom gave me. That’s why I’m smiling, and even when my Mom is wrong, she’s right.
I treat my Mom’s advice like one of those old school rolodex they used on a desk. I treat my mom’s advice like that even when it doesn’t apply to what I’m going through right now, I just log it, because I might have to go to it for a whole new situation. I’d just go to my rolodex. I log everything that my Mom says in my brain. It’s locked in my memory.
My mother and her generation knew that they had roles as parents. They understood that children are children, and they can’t take care of themselves. Even though some of these kids are resilient. Those in challenging homes that feed themselves and get themselves to school unfortunately need our support. When we have these babies, we have one thing to do: “Bring them up right.”
Our parents broke their backs. Many of our generation grew up with parents on drugs doing this and that but never missing a meal, they had clean clothes. Even with them on drugs, they checked your homework, and some went to PTA meetings. So how could those people on drugs, heroin, crack, with all these things going on, give us everything we needed then and now most of my generation, we don’t have anything going on, and we’re not taking care of our kids?
Also, teach your kids to say thank you and things like that. Before I taught my babies anything, it was please and thank you. When my son was old enough to show me that he wanted something with the little baby grabby motion, I’d say please, please, and eventually, he got please and then thank you. I don’t know why, but I hate rudeness, and we’re seeing a lot of that with these kids. You never know the chain reactions that it can set off.
But whereas the chains of kindness just seem to go so far to me. For instance, my son, he is very polite because of rules. I have a daughter too, but she lives with her Dad, and that’s another thing: Dads are important too. Most people look at me like I’m crazy. “You let your daughter go live with her father?” Yes, I taught her and still teach her about this and that and he’s going to be the one to protect this. Girls need their Dads.
As a mom one of the things that I say to my son, who is fourteen, often is: “Personal accountably is everything!” To my daughter I tell her what my mom used to say to me every single day. My best friend would come to my house every day and we would leave out together for school and my mother would tell us, “Okay Ladies, have a wonderful day; keep your chin to the sky, keep your eyes open.”
There was another part to it, but she didn’t tell us that part until high school and that part had to do with conducting yourself like a lady of class!
DID YA KNOW THAT…
The U.S. has world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households
For decades, the share of U.S. children living with a single parent has been rising, accompanied by a decline in marriage rates and a rise in births outside of marriage. A new Pew Research Center study of 130 countries and territories shows that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households.
Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%). The study, which analyzed how people’s living arrangements differ by religion, also found that U.S. children from Christian and religiously unaffiliated families are about equally likely to live in this type of arrangement.
In comparison, 3% of children in China, 4% of children in Nigeria and 5% of children in India live in single-parent households. In neighboring Canada, the share is 15%. – (BY STEPHANIE KRAMER)
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